The Iowa caucus is threatening to make a contender out of Rick Santorum, and the word Smokey and I had in the offices of Stevieslaw—publisher of the Less-intelligent-than-average American Guide series—is that Route 219 up to the New York State border is packed with Pennsylvanians trying desperately to make it to Canada before they close the border. As you might recall, Santorum was actually a senator from Pennsylvania.

Smokey Diamond went up to Bradford, PA to investigate. He interviewed, among others, Marvin Schlosser, who was fleeing with his wife and two children. Marvin thoughts seemed to sum up the thinking of the future Canadians reasonably well. “He looks almost normal,” Marvin said of Santorum.” “I mean he is crazy as a loon, of course, but he looks almost normal.” Perry looks like he should be at a bar drinking a beer, scratching his underarms and trying to figure out how to put his baseball cap on his head. Bachmann and, certainly, Paul, don’t quite look like members of the human race, and when I see the Newt I always have to check to make sure my wallet is still in my pocket.”Certainly, when you look at Romney, you first wonder why anyone would make a dishonest robot and then, does it run on batteries?”

“Santorum looks almost normal and in this country today that means he might win.” “We figure it is best to clear out now, before he is elected and the witch hunts begin.”