Stevieslaw: The Casino on the Corner

Anti-tax Republicans in the Pennsylvania legislature, who have steadfastly refused to impose additional taxes on Marcellus Shale natural gas production, have an ingenious plan to close the 2 billion dollar revenue gap in the current budget. In fact, they are hopeful that the plan can be extended year after year to provide hardworkingAmericanPennsylvanians with a nearly tax-free existence.

Republicans plan to allow roughly 1000 mini-casinos in residential neighborhoods throughout Pennsylvania. One will go in a “difficult-to-sell” single family home on the corner of our block, just across from the school bus stop. “Our goal is to create a mini-casino within walking distance of every Pennsylvanian, so that we may continue to collect revenue even after the roads, bridge and other bits and pieces of infrastructure have gone to hell,” said Hed R. Tails, spokesperson for the Republican majority.

Mr. Tails said that the casinos will allow for all the usual forms of gambling—including sports gambling. They will serve alcohol and offer licensed prostitution. That’s a huge revenue source.

“The casinos will be open 24 hours a day,” said Tails. “But, activities will be strictly confined to the building housing the casino,” he said, “And they will be closed on Sunday—as the good lord decreed.”