The regional office of the FBI was screaming for Russian translators today, in ads placed in all the major news outlets and campus papers.
Stevieslaw has learned that the ads are an outgrowth of the raid on Paul Manafort’s house in Alexandria, Virginia on July 26th. Paul Manafort, as I’m sure you recall, was the head of the Trump campaign leading up to the convention and has been mentioned as a person of interest in the collusion investigation. He was fired when it was learned he had lived in the Kremlin for the past fifteen years and was Vladimir Putin’s first cousin on his mother’s side.
Speaking anonymously, an FBI agent—who suggested we call him JEdgar, told us:
“We expected to find reams and reams of memos and financial documents relative to our investigation of the Trump campaign’s possible collusion with the Russian.” “Instead, Russian agents came tumbling out of the house, as soon as we opened the door.”
“They were everywhere,” he continued. “In the attic, in the basement, and nesting under all of the beds like Matryoshka—you know, like Russian nesting dolls.”
“It was eerie,” he said. “Men, women, and children pouring out in torrents and all wearing baseball caps saying “Make America Great Again,” and white t-shirts with “NO COLLUSION” in bold, in red and blue lettering.”
“I think we got them,” concluded JEdgar with a smile.