Stevieslaw: Trump Disowns

Stevieslaw: Trump Disowns

Donald Trump tore into his heir-presumptive, Donald Trump Jr. today, tweeting that he was only a minor member of the family. “In fact,” tweeted Trump, “Donald Junior bears so little family resemblance that I have been convinced for years that he is not my son.”

Trump went on to claim that he has no idea who Jared Kushner is and certainly would never had agreed to let his daughter, Ivasomethingorother, marry a Jew. “What kind of hypercritical anti-Semite would that make me,” he posted.

Trump argued that he saw Crooked Hilary’s hand behind the whole thing. “She and her femme-fiends will never stop tormenting me, because I beat them fair and square” he tweeted. “Biggest margin ever,” he noted

Moreover, Trump questioned the timing of the newest revelations by Steve (Wormtongue) Bannon. “All of sudden this derelict looking guy—does he look like a bum or what?—that I barely know is inventing family for me,” he tweeted. “Family?” “These people have been buzzing around my life for years—they only come by to whine and beg for money—never even sent me a birthday card,” he continued.

I’m through with these illegitimate sons and daughters,” he said in a final tweet. “How could they ever know anything about me or my incredibly successful—best ever—campaign.” “I’ve disowned them,” he tweeted, “believe me.”

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Stevieslaw: Putting the gifts together?


I scan the pictogram again
for signs of my missteps.
The screw driver is depicted
at such an awful angle
my hands hurt
in sympathy.
The fluffy stuff
I thought was flotsam
had an essential purpose.
Too bad. I threw it out.
Is that the root of wobble?
I could not tell you.

The manual is given in six languages
and I cannot help but try to line
the Chinese and the English up.
I feel that save for words
we find on cookie fortunes,
this is as close as I can get
to understanding Chinese.
Sadly, I find, even this, impossible.

The flattened pictures are of little help.
How often are we left to navigate
with just a single sheet
of well-meant paper?
I tightly fold the manual in half,
and half it yet again.
I give it a thickness,
I give it a presence in the world
and when I place it under the offending leg,
I give it reason to exist.

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Stevieslaw: Scott Pruitt’s Cone of Silence

Stevieslaw: Scott Pruitt’s Cone of Silence

Our local newspaper, the CDT, picks up all of its non-sports stories now from News Services, like AP. There is usually one top story and a bunch of stories from the AP bargain rack. Today we learned that Scott Pruitt, the evil head of the EPA, has changed the locks and had his office swept of bugs—at taxpayer expense.

Scotty apparently did not watch much TV in the sixties or he would have jumped at the chance to install Cones of Silence throughout the agency. The Cone of Silence, as anyone my age will recall, is the plastic bubble device Max Smart and The Chief would use for the their top, top secret conversations. The show, Get Smart, which featured Don Adams as Maxwell Smart—inept secret agent, and Barbara Feldon as Agent 99 was written by Mel Brooks and Buck Henry.

The joke was that the Cone of Silence allowed everyone outside the Cone to hear exactly what was said inside, while prohibiting those inside from hearing each other. Or as Secret Agent Smart might say,” I asked you not to tell me that.”

I’ve written to Scott to suggest he might pick up some surplus Cones of Silence at CBS. It might really help the public if he used them.

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Stevieslaw: The Future of the Net

Stevieslaw: The Future of the Net

Here at Stevieslaw, we have been using the net to look for holiday presents for friends and family. We can compare prices and look at costumer reviews.

But, when we fast forward to December 2018, we envision something like:

Dear 3rd Class User, your search is important to us. This time of year our lines are quite busy. We estimate we can begin to process your search in about three weeks. To accelerate your search, you might consider upgrading your net membership with Verizon/Comcast. For a single search, you may upgrade to Webuser 2nd Class for $4.61 or to Webuser 1st Class for $19.53. Yearly, charges are $425.19 and $6,017.17 respectively. As a 2nd Class user your search time would be reduced to 13 days, while at 1st Class your search would take well under a millisecond.

If your search involves purchasing gifts, you might consider shopping at Verizon/Comcast/Macy’s. Connections are instantaneous and the quality of our products is second to none.

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Stevieslaw: In Time for Christmas

Stevieslaw: In Time for Christmas

Republicans in the House and Senate have been working overtime—some as much as 3 hours a day—to ensure that the new tax plan is approved and signed by Trump by Christmas Day. Republicans have signaled that they are willing to put in the hard work, as the benefits to the donor class are incredibly generous.

Said Orrin Hatch, “The donor class—a group that has made our government what it is today—will reap huge rewards from this tax plan. And, who deserves it more.”

“What a wonderful stocking stuffer,” Mr. Hatch said.

Republicans admit there might be some small collateral damage from the tax plan, If, for example, you are a poor, disabled, sick, young, middle class or named Tom, you will find your benefits cut to the bone.

“The Chip program, Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, job training, pre-natal care, pre-school programs, scientific research and the Arts are likely to be cut or canceled, when we find their isn’t enough money for the programs and the 1%, continued Mr. Hatch.

“But here we are, like all good Republicans, simply following scripture,” he said. “As it says so dramatically in The Bible—Corinthians, I believe:

There’s nothing surer,
The rich get rich and the poor get poorer.”

Or as Smokey Diamond has been saying a lot lately, “Ain’t we got fun.”

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Stevieslaw: The Scouring of the Shire

Stevieslaw: The Scouring of the Shire

You can get a pretty good picture of how it’s going to be by listening to what the people happiest about the shrinking of the national monuments—Bears Ears and Grand Staircase in this case, are saying about the decision. The National Cattleman’s Beef Association President said, “We are grateful that today’s action will allow ranchers to resume their role as responsible stewards of the land and drivers of rural economics.”

Who wouldn’t choose them as stewards of the land?

We are at war.

In Tolkien’s Ring Trilogy, the four hobbits—Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin, fought against evil throughout the war of the rings, but it was not until they returned to their native Shire to face a despoiled and wasted landscape, that they understood the pervasiveness of evil. Nothing had been spared—certainly not their little piece of heaven on earth that was the Shire.

Trump and his evil band of Republican thugs will change the landscape of this nation. Whole pieces of it will become unrecognizable. The evil they will create, in the name of making money, is just beginning.

The hobbits scour the Shire of evil, but they cannot undo all of the evil done to the land and the people. They resolve, instead, to start anew. To build something better.

It sounds like a plan.

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Stevieslaw: Two Poems

Here are two poems that were also published in the latest issue of  Word Fountain.  And here is a link to the entire issue.

That Night
Steve Deutsch

“I’m sure there are good people out there,”
he said, as he eyed the door.
“I’m just not one of them.”
He talked.
It was his way of calming down.

We were in a bar
up near Times Square.

You know the place
or someplace like it.
They serve boilermakers and boiled dogs,
and no, there was not a soul in the place
you’d want to take home to meet your mother.

The bleeding over his eye
was no better,
and the hand he used
to hold a wad of bloody napkins
up to the gash
was starting to swell.

Every time the door opened, he’d jump
and now he had me doing it too.

When we were young
and faced with something to bear,
we’d summon a magic
to make us invisible.
We’d close our eyes
and count to twenty-five.
It never worked, but it might have,
I closed my eyes.

The violence had been
rapid and real
and I don’t want to talk about it.

At the Edge
Steve Deutsch

The important questions
have no answers,
my friend told me.

The others had wandered off
while we sat looking out over the lake,
gone gray in the early evening light.
He spoke with little conviction,
as if hoping I might contradict him.

Every now and again
a car passed unseen
on the road behind us,
breaking that stillness
you find only in graveyards
and at the water’s edge.

He knew, of course, I wouldn’t.
We’d been having
this conversation
since we were teens
and shared a street corner
in South-central Brooklyn
with a gaggle of wannabe thugs.

Quite suddenly
a hundred nesting birds
took to the air.
The sky raged

as they voiced their
Then just as suddenly
they settled
and we sat back down,
grinning with spent shock.

Our companions reappeared–
as if strolling out of the setting sun,
and as we clamored
into my weathered car—
speaking of a movie
and perhaps some dinner out,
clouds gathered and darkened.
Tonight, it might well rain.

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