The Republican Caucus in the House of Representatives took an unprecedented step today in defining personhood for the purpose of legislation.  First class people will be defined as: a. a fetus or b. an individual earning more than $250,000 a year or c. a traditional family of four making more than $400,000 a year.  Those, voting Republican, but not qualifying for personhood will be able to wear a charming, American-made button that says, “Person in Training” in red, white and blue letters.

In an unrelated story, the Republican led House of Representatives voted to slash domestic and international food aid yesterday.  This will cut the Women, Infants, and Children program, which offers food aid and educational support for low income mothers and their children, by nearly a billion dollars.  The international food program, apparently less dependable than drone strikes, would be cut by about a third.

A spokesperson for the Republican Caucus was quick to point out that people will not be affected by the cuts.