Stevieslaw: The Best Thing for You, Inc.

 

We had some friends over last night. They were away for most of the summer and we were happily using the time to catch up. While the others were drinking wine, I was drinking strong, black coffee. I am more or less always drinking, strong black coffee. Not only do I like the taste, but I had read somewhere that coffee was a powerful antioxidant and drinking more than six cups a day would keep you 26.2% healthier than non-coffee drinkers. I had finished the first pot—about four cups—and had carefully brewed a second pot, using a Kona coffee that’s about $50 a pound, when my friends rushed me, grabbed the pot, and emptied it into the kitchen sink—all while insanely shouting, “intervention, intervention, intervention.” “No,” I shouted back, “It’s the best thing for me.”

After my wife had managed to calm me down and stop my sobbing by using a powerful horse tranquilizer, my friends explained. They said that the latest research showed that drinking more than four cups of coffee a day shortened your lifespan (Times of India) and they felt they had to stop me. I was quick to point out that an NIH study just a year ago showed that coffee could increase your lifespan.

If you combine the two studies, it turns out you should drink no more than four cups of coffee until you are fifty and then start drinking as much coffee as you can slam down at fifty and one day. And that is the root of the problem. Clearly, there is a great deal of health information published weekly, daily and even hourly that completely contradicts or significantly modifies the research published the day before. Is it information you need to know? You betcha! Should you drink beet juice for healthy bones or is it best to avoid it? Eat sauerkraut for toe fungus or not? Take fish oil supplements with or without calcium and vitamin D. “To cheese or not to cheese.” Why is that even still a question?

Here, at Stevieslaw, we are determined to be your source for up to the minute health information. By following our guidelines, you might add seconds or even minutes to your life! To do this, we have formed “The Best Thing for You, Inc.” With your subscription, at a very nominal price, we will send you heath information directly at least every minute. Lunchtime? Should you eat the “General Tso Chicken” you have ordered for lunch or quickly replace it with the “Peking Duck?” Bedtime? Is the combination of thirty supplements and three turkey legs that allowed you to sleep last night a valid approach for tonight?

Subscribe and you will get the answer to these and to all of your burning health questions. It’s your life. Milk* it for every second.

 

*The ingestion of whole milk is no longer recommended.

 

 


 

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