Stevieslaw: Climate Change Report

 

Our local newspaper, the Centre Daily Times, reported today that both NASA and NOAA agreed that 2014 was the warmest year on record.  Here at Stevieslaw, we assume that if the CDT found a place for the article in spite of the big Paterno news, it must have appeared everywhere.

Armed with that information, our intrepid reporter Smokey Diamond, approached Coal Tech University climate denier, Icant C. Clearly, about the report.  Dr. Icant is widely recognized as the author of the study that showed, through a random sampling of residents of Minot, ND, that an increase in temperature of a few degrees “might not be so bad.” Icant quickly went on the offensive, “Smokey, aren’t you at all surprised about the timing of this so-called research summary.  If it weren’t for the liberal media’s insane desire to kill the Keystone Pipeline Project, would this even be news?” he asked.

Smokey had been particularly impressed by the fact that the 10 hottest years in NOAA records had been since 2000, and further by the statistical odds of it being coincidental coming in at some 650 million to 1.  Clearly was not bothered by the statistics.  “Those on the other side, who are well funded by liberal think tanks, would like us to believe that 650 million to 1 are long odds.  The public understands that these odds are really about the same as the odds of winning the Powerball lottery (175 million to one), yet millions of Americans line up to buy tickets every week. “Americans are not fooled,” said Icant. “Week after week they put their money on the line and bet on lady luck.”

“Don’t worry about it, Smokey,” concluded Dr. Icant.  “Mother Earth is just having a run of bad luck. Patience is the cure.”

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