Stevieslaw: Trump Hurls

Cousin Myron—that red-headed insanity, called this morning. For once, he was in a good mood.

“Guess who Jason heard from today,” he asked. Jason is the male half of Myron’s twins.

“Four more Ivy League schools,” I ventured.

“Nope.” “Trump”

“He got a tweet from our President,” said Myron. “It said,” ‘Poor, Jason—what girl would date him with his world class acne. We know why he got into Harvard—it rhymes with “you.”

“That’s not for real,” I suggested.

“Sure is,” said Myron. “About half of Jason’s class got insults. Jill—the female half of the twins, is upset she didn’t get anything yet.”

Later that day, my neighbors stopped by to tell me their five-year old, Bobby, had gotten a call from the President.

Trump told him, “Bobbie is a doodie head that still wets his bed—so sad and so stoopid.”

Sarah Huckabee Sanders confirmed that Trump was planning on reaching out to every man, woman and child in the nation. She noted that almost all, if not all, the messages would be insults.

“That’s who the President is,” she remarked.

When confronted by the press, Sarah said, “What is wrong with you bozos. You’re upset when the President doesn’t reach out and upset when the President does. There is just no pleasing any of you.”