Stevieslaw: Republicans trump-et new jobs in the handgun industry

Smith & Wesson stock soared today in response to their announcement that they will be introducing a new line of handguns designed specifically as a defensive weapon for teachers.

“We hope the introduction of this fine new weapon will allow us to once again become the largest manufacturer—surpassing Storm, Ruger, of handguns in America,” said spokesperson Masta Uvwar.

Storm, Ruger produced 1.7 million firearms in 2017 compared to 1.5 million for Smith & Wesson.

The new weapon is designed to fire four shells, spaced one foot apart, for every touch of the trigger.

“Even untrained teachers will hit something when they fire this,” said Masta.

The handgun, with the tentative name of “studentsafe” with also feature a laser pointer for presentations, a white board cleaner, and a pencil sharpener—to make it useful for those times when there is no one to shoot.

“Constructing this new line of weapon will result in more than 50 good-paying, American jobs,” Said Ms. Uvwar.

The White House and the Republican Congressional leadership trumpeted the job creation as the first positive result of the gun debate.