Taming big science

Posted on November 10, 2010 by stevieslaw

I got this from the blog of a recently elected congressman from Kansas.  I believe it needs wide distribution, so I am passing it on.

Now that we, the people, have spoken and Big Government has been eliminated from these United States forever, we must turn our attention to the other problem “Bigs.”  The first that we need to tackle is Big Science.  Big Science is funded by you, the hardworking taxpayer, by Federal Agencies such as NSF and NIH.  Do common people have a vote in these Federal agencies on how their hard earned money is spent?  No, they do not. Hand-picked government employees make the decisions, based on things they learned in College! 

 It seems fair to me to ask then, “What are we getting for our money?”  A short list would include:  making monkeys into humans, stealing stem cells from screaming babies, cloning goats, trying to over warm the planet, making vaccines for diseases that only affect gay people, and all of these generically engineered foods.  Why do we need generic wheat in Kansas?  We want brand named wheat. 

It is instructive for smart hard working people to ask, “What does science promise?” Progress!  And just what is the difference between Progress and that word that is another name for the liberal, Marxist communists we oppose?  No more than three or four letters.

I believe we must consider a fundamental question, “Why should the laws of science be the same in New York City as they are in Kansas?” Lord knows, nothing else is the same.  Do you realize that sometimes it can be nighttime in Kansas while daytime in New York?  How can the laws of science explain that?  What we need is an end to Big Government funding of Big Science.  All science funding should be at the local level.  It you want to over warm New York City—fine, but we won’t stand for it in Kansas.  It is my understanding that some religious groups have had experience in managing scientific investigations.  I am trying to find out the details of this synergism, but it is difficult, as it apparently happened before computers.  But I am convinced that this is where we should start—with science as a locally funded, locally controlled, faith based initiative.

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Hey Hey Curtis Lemay

Posted on November 8, 2010 by stevieslaw

I hacked into the Defense Department’s computer server today. I didn’t want to, but it was the only way I could get my e-mail. As the whole world apparently knows, their password is a simple “heyheycurtislemay.” It’s easy and they have a great server.
The password to my system, however, is more of a problem. My computer changes it every night, so when I log onto the system I have to click on the box “I don’t remember my password.” I then get a series of eight to ten simple security questions that I had someone set up for me about 15 years ago. They start with “what is your favorite color,” and move on to stuff like “what is the maiden name of your mother-in-law’s second dog?” I am smart enough to have all the answers to these questions written down, but not quite smart enough to have written it on something other than a small yellow sticky that is probably buried under twelve layers of papers. If at this point, the computer had a little box with, “I can’t find the stupid sticky with the answers” to check—followed by a list of suggestions of where to look, that would be great, but it doesn’t. My average search time is 43 minutes. I know you’re thinking that I should put my answer list on my smartphone, but my smartphone has two modes—“lost” or “out of power.” The average charge time is 43 minutes. The average “search for phone” time is 44 minutes.
Once I’ve managed to answer the security questions, I get to reset my password. It has to be exactly seven numbers or letters in non-alphabetical or numerical order, can never have been used before by any sentient being on the planet, is case sensitive, can have no vowels nor any of the “pointier” letters. I get a bit stuck here. It seems to me, that a password is still a word. How many words do you know without vowels?
On most days, I get through with a new password, which I hastily scribble on a little yellow sticky and hide in the stack. After confirming the password, I get a jumbled drawing, clearly written by a team of three year olds in crayon and strawberry jam, that represents a collection of letters. “Type these letters,” my computer commands, “or ask for another grouping if you cannot read this.” If you type it in wrong, you get to start all over. That’s when I quit trying.
My choices are pretty clear. I can ask someone under the age of 12 to move into my computer room to help me get on my machine. But I would have to feed that person, and as my brand new refrigerator has a anti-theft door that requires a password, I don’t use it anymore. Ordering in could get expensive. I guess I’ll just go with the defense department—“hey hey Curtis Lemay.”

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Moving On

Posted on November 6, 2010 by stevieslaw

Karen and I will be moving to Northern Saskatchewan this winter.  We have already sold the house.  As many of you know, my maternal grandmother, The Enforcer, was born in London and we have qualified for Canadian citizenship.  We plan to grow things in the ground—mostly Kale—and raise goats for companionship. Kale is a useful crop, as chewing it for breakfast, lunch and dinner will give us something to do in the 10 month winter and people we have never heard of speak highly of goats.

We want you to understand that our decision had nothing to do with the recent election.  Many hours ago, we shed our remaining belief in the neo-terrorist regime of “Nikita” Obama and “Beria” Biden.  In fact, after only a few days of the kind of mild stomach problems that the emergency room was easily able to deal with using an array of psychotropic drugs, we have come to value the results of the election and to realize that who better to get us out of our current morass then the smug, self-righteous, snake oil salesmen that got us into in the first place.

Please come visit us at our new home at #476511, So Bald and So Lonely a Mountain.  June 12th, the day before the annual black fly festival and the day after most hard frosts is supposed to be swell.

We will have an internet connection as soon as I am able to launch our first synchronous satellite.

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