Newsbriefs You May Have Missed: 6. Congress Drones on
It’s good and good in Pakghanistan this week, as reported by Marc Levy of the Associated Press. For one thing, a major GOP Congressional delegation met with Hamid Karzai and some other Pakghanistani officials. Pat Toomey, the recently elected senator from Pennsylvania, got right to point, demanding, heroically, that Karzai stop corruption now. It was particularly telling that Toomey was wearing the shirt just designed by Janet Napolitano and her crew at Homeland, with the logo “Say No to Corruption.” Unfortunately, neither Pat nor Janet could stay for more than a few days. In other good news, General Patreaus, speaking from his super secret bunker deep under a Pakghanistani nuclear facility, was happy to report that the marines were able at last to move several hundred yards from their base camp, before the crazy people who live in Pakghanistan tried to blow them up.
Toomey went on to say that he expected American troops to still be in Pakghanistan by the end of his first term in seven years. That’s not much time, relative say to the number of years we fought in WWI and II and the Civil War, but it does, unfortunately, raise the issue of America’s “attention span.” To keep the Congress, the public and the soldiers interested in Pakghanistan for seven more years, there is a plan being circulated among top political and entertainment figures in the United States. To keep Congress interested, 5 drone stations will be positioned in both the Senate and the House of Representatives so that Congressmen can run, real time, seek and destroy missions. They will also be able visit Pakghanistan, as often as they like, without leaving their offices. To keep the public interested, ABC is planning a reality show, similar to American Idol, in which thirty individuals, chosen for their hand-eye coordination, will fight it out using drones to accomplish missions designed by the Joint Chiefs. The program will be aired live from Dronetown, KS.
There are no plans on the horizon for our military forces in Pakghanistan. Perhaps, we should send them home.