9. EPA to become CPPA

Buoyed by their success in repealing Obamacare, House Republicans are, according to Renee Schoof of McClatchy Newspapers, getting ready “to rewrite the Clean Air Act so that it can’t be used to fight climate change.”  Arlene Apnea, spokesperson for Fred Upton (R-Mich.), new Chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee, said that “the GOP will put a stop to the rampant job-raping regulation of green house gases in the environment by the EPA, even before such regulation is actually proposed.””Frankly, we would like to get the EPA out of the environmental protection business entirely,” she said “and I think House Republican will start that process by proposing that the agency change its name, to the job-creating title of Corporate Profit Protection Agency.” “In this way, she went on to say, we will change the public’s expectations of what the agency might accomplish.”

 Ms. Apnea suggested that Federal money might better be spent in job-fostering projects, such as the “Total Environment Living Project,” recently suggested by the home construction firm New Levittown.  As some may recall, New Levittown was recently in the news with their announcement of a Phase 1 housing development for American settlers on the Kabul River in Pakghanistan.  TELP would create environmentally sealed communities for the very wealthy at several dozen locations in the United States.  Sam Spade, spokesperson for New Levittown, noted that, “it has never been clear to me that the very wealthy should be forced to breathe the same air or drink the same water as the others.”  Spade predicts that thousands of construction jobs will be created by the country-wide housing project.   And, Spade went on to say, “as these workers sicken from the bad environment and can’t find affordable health care, we will need to replace them—increasing, in a sense, the number of good American jobs we create.”

A smiling Sarah Beck, newly appointed spokesperson for the House Republicans, declared that this is just the beginning, as the repeal movement was “catching fire” in the House.  “In our crosshairs for the coming months,” crowed Sarah, “are the job-shredding Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the job-nuking Voting Rights Act of 1965.”  “After all,” she said, “if we needed them, the founding fathers would have proposed them.”