11. Arizona to produce nuclear weapons.
Curtis Strangelove, spokesman for the Arizona State Government, announced today that Arizona will produce a line of highly portable, 10-kiloton nuclear weapons by spring 2011. Strangelove pointed out that, “The production of these weapons was a win-win-win decision for the State.” “First, he noted, “in this time of budget shortfalls, it will be in the State’s interest to market these weapons at the highly successful gun shows already a hallmark of Arizona.” “Second,” he said, “We think it will help our interaction with the government in Washington.” “Why should the Feds,” he continued, “have a monopoly on nuclear weapons?” “Third,” he said, “it will be a godsend in our continuing effort to fight illegal immigration from Mexico.” “The threat, or for that matter, the surgical use of nuclear weapons on staging areas for immigration from Mexico may be our best deterrent.”
Strangelove went on the dispel any fears a reasonable person might have about gun show sales of nuclear weapons, by pointing out that the same thorough background checks used for gun sales will apply. He also noted that, “Although, these nuclear weapons will initially be a State Government run monopoly, we would like to see the manufacture and sale of these weapons transferred to individuals very quickly.” “In the final analysis,” said Strangelove with a smile, “you are either for the second amendment or against it.”