Pope Benedict says Jews Not Guilty. No Harm Done. Gingrich to Convert.

News services around the world have reported that Pope Benedict XVI has personally exonerated Jews for the 2000 year old murder of Jesus Christ, a popular prophet.   Benedict wrote that “although the investigative powers of the Church have been strained to the limit by the need to root out a few cases of priestly child abuse, we were finally able to move the Christ case to the front of the pew.” “Our lengthy investigation has revealed that the Temple elders, rather than the people of Israei in general, should be held responsible for Christ’s death.” Stanley Lem, spokesman for the Roman branch of the Catholic Church said, “Thank god, no harm has come to the innocent during the rigorous 2000 year review of the evidence.”

Our investigative wizard Smokey Diamond, who interviewed a whole bunch of Jews at Manny’s deli in Boca Raton, found them generally unimpressed by the Pope’s sentiment.  Marty Abrams, dining on the chop liver platter (lunch special #7), summed up the Jewish sentiment by remarking, “who gives a rat’s ass.”  In stark contrast to the Jewish reaction, comedians around the world have loudly applauded the Pope’s statement.  “You just can’t make this sort of material up,” said comedian Colby Stuart.

In a closely related story, serial-divorcer, baptist/catholic, presidential hopeful, Newt Gingrich announced that he is changing his name to Murray Gingfeld and converting to Judaism. Within five minutes of Gingfeld’s announcement, well over a million people had volunteered to “help” with his circumcision.