Stevieslawslant: The Ferocious Race to the Bottom

Killing the Middle Class is Serious Work in Florida

Step back Wisconsin.  Governor Rick Scott, man of the people, and the Florida legislature have thrown down the gauntlet in the tightening race to see which state can be most effective at “sticking it to the worker.” The governor, as you may recall, is best known for his ability to avoid jail time following his company’s conviction on Medicare fraud.  Maria Heroux Pounds, writing for the South Florida Sun Sentinel, notes “advocacy groups predict that Florida residents who lose their jobs will get fewer unemployment benefits than residents in any other state if a house bill reducing benefits in passed.”

Smokey Diamond, our investigative reporter—who burns rather than tans—braved the searing Florida sun to help get the rest of the story.  He spoke to Orwell Smug, the mouthpiece of the governor.  “The big news for the other states trying to catch up, in the “screw the worker” competition, is that unemployment benefits have pumped over 9 billion dollars into the Florida economy since the recession began,” said Smug. “We are cutting benefits in spite of the obvious good it does for the state.” “Take that Wisconsin,” said Orwell, pumping his plump fist in the air.” “And when asked why,” continued Smug with a grin, “we just tell them it is to “improve the business climate,” a statement so ridiculous that polls show no one on the planet can be made to believe it.” “You just can’t top that kind of moronic behavior,” said Smug. “Let the other states try.”

Smug couldn’t help finishing the interview by asking a question of his own. “You have a job, Diamond, he queried, “Why should you care?”

In a related story, TV pundit and last surviving member of the constitutional convention, Glenn Beck, stated today that the words “promote the general welfare,” in the preamble to the Constitution of the United States contained an obvious misspelling. “What we meant to write was, “promote the general’s welfare,” a clear reference to the health and happiness of General George Washington,” said Beck.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Humor, parody, sleepless in state college and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s