NASA reported today that their Martian Rover Spirit had uncovered a treasure trove of documents from an ancient civilization. It has taken NASA and the best minds at the NSA more than two years to translate some of these documents—with the first group to be translated detailing the Martian’s handling of their growing atmospheric crisis
Two groups shared the stage during the crisis—the ecoworriers and the miraculousjobmakers. The vast majority of Martians apparently stayed on the sidelines, voting only on pocket book issues. All environmental decisions were entrusted to the elders of the miraculousjobmakers, chaired by a group from Kacht Industries. The tipping point to their environmental crisis was apparently the discovery that methane hydrate crystals, locked beneath the oceans of Mars and in its permafrost could be economically extracted and used to provide decades of energy for the planet.
In their decision, the miraculousjobmakers declared that there was no evidence that the atmosphere was thinning and that, moreover, their god—hewhoshinesthesunsometimes—would not have put the crystals there if he did not intend for the Martians to use them.
“Not burning the gas would be an affront to our god,” concluded Chairman David Kacht.
Back on the planet earth, Americans for Prosperity, a Koch Industries funded group, announced it would pressure legislatures to take a long hard look at NASA’s budget.