Stevieslaw: What’s in a Name?

Are you confused? Can you distinguish between the Shiite Houthi tribe and the Sunni Huothi tribe? One is a group of fierce rebels that has just brought down the government of Yemen* while the other tribe grows opium poppies in Pakghanistan. One group has the undying enmity of Iran while the other is detested by Saudi Arabia. Or are you able to tell the difference between the Shiite Badr Organization and the Kurdish Bard Group? This is important, as one group has been able to drive back the nearly-invincible ISIS fighters—which is great news, although all the other tribes believe they are much worse than ISIS—which is terrible news, while the other group puts on Shakespeare’s plays in the parks of Erbil.
Now readers of Stevieslaw can order the reference book that puts the Muslim world on firm footing. Long used by the smartest people at the State Department and the Pentagon, this 120,000 page tome identifies all of the major groups, their religious affiliation, all of the other groups that they would like to drive to extinction, the number of years this hatred has existed, and the reasons the problems between the individual groups can never, ever be resolved.
Order your book today for $6.99 and $119.53 s/h. Every time you think that putting even one American soldier on the ground** in the greater middle east is a reasonable idea, try to lift the damn book.

*An unbreakable rule of Journalism is that one cannot use Yemen in a sentence without the modifier, “the poorest of the Arab nations.” We have taken great liberty in putting this essential in a footnote.
**A second unbreakable rule—this must read “boots on the ground.”

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