Stevieslaw: Tom Price sees medicinal leeches in your future

The recent announcement by EPA Chief, Scott Pruitt, that Trump will sign an executive order on Tuesday repealing Obama’s signature Clean Power Plan has put Health Secretary Tom Price in a tight spot. As we have all been told, canceling Clean Power- a plan which restricts green house gas emissions at coal-fired power plants, will bring back millions of jobs in coal mining and reduce the cost of electricity by 95%.

Now, Tom Price has responded with at least as much verve and daring. Said Spokesperson, Saul Bledmore, “It’s been known since 1600 BC that bleeding by leeches is remedy for many of the maladies that afflict mankind—heart disease, cancer and stubborn warts. Medical professionals and researchers clearly understand the interaction of the four humors—blood, yellow bile, black bile and phlegm and how the balance of them affects human health. Often, health problems are associated with an excess of blood and the application of leeches is an effective and cost effective remedy.”

Bledmore went on to observe that the once thriving leech industry had been killed by government regulations. “Never again,” declared Bledmore. “We shall repeal the job destroying regulations and create hundreds of thousands of good American jobs in the leech industry—from raising leeches to using leeches.” “What’s more, he continued, “the use of leeches to cure all major diseases will eliminate the need for fancy medicines and reduce the cost of healthcare dramatically.”

“The future of American healthcare is in bloodletting,” conclude Dr. Bledmore.