Stevieslaw: Trump praised by world community
U.N. Secretary General, Antonio Guterres, today issued a Formal Commendation of Donald Trump. The Commendation read, “It’s been a hundred days and that moron (Donald Trump) has somehow avoided getting us all killed.” “Splendid.”
Such sentiments were echoed all over the world. Angela Merkel, of Germany, said, “He may be too stupid and self-indulgent to cause any lasting damage—at least, that is the hope of the world.” Justin Trudeau, of Canada, also weighed in, saying, “After meeting with him, I expected that we would all be crisps by now.” “What amazing good fortune,”he continued, “although, I do wish he’d put a stop to Ivanka ringing me up every five minutes.”
Even Mr. Trump’s sworn adversaries had good things to say of him. Said, Kim Jong-un of North Korea, “The man knows how to defuse a crisis.” “When in doubt, send your aircraft carrier task force in the wrong direction.” Said Vladimir Putin, “He is getting better at following simple directions.”
Not everyone is hopeful for the next one hundred days. Our own intrepid reporter, Smokey Diamond, continues to build and supply her fall out shelter. She has already laid in enough canned tuna, catnip and coffee beans to last a millennium. Says Smokey, “I don’t understand why more people aren’t digging.” “It’s not if, but when people.”