David Goldstein, a reporter for McClatchy Newspapers, reported this weekend that Congress was spending less and less time in session. Part of this was a result of a revamped calendar from the new Republican leadership allowing members at least one week per month at home to, as House Majority Leader Eric Cantor wrote, “… allow the House to more accurately reflect the founder’s intent…direct and constant control by the citizens.”
Our own investigative reporter, Smokey Diamond, was able to track down the rest of the story. Smokey has learned that the Republican leadership has reasoned that if one week a month at home will help return our country to 1789, simply having the legislators stay at home will make that happen faster. Milton Thoreau, spokesman for Cantor, said, there are three basic reasons for abolishing sessions in Washington. First, we can constantly assess the will of the people, or as it was once known, campaign for reelection. Second, the tea party congressmen and women, who are for the most part headed to Washington by horse or mule, are not likely to arrive until the end of the summer anyway. And third, what we do is largely symbolic. To accomplish what we see as our actual mission should require no more than a weekend meeting in say, Maui.
The largely symbolic nature of Congress made Disney Corporation the logical choice to buy the Capitol. They will be able to set up hyper-realistic mock-ups of Congressional sessions in which it actually appears that something in being accomplished through discourse and bipartisanship. In a brief interview with Barack Obama, Smokey Diamond was able to confirm that the President is under tremendous pressure to sell the White House as well. Obama said, “It’s not so easy. Michelle and I have young children. They like their schools and have made many friends. And Michelle is very involved in the local community.” “Still, he said, I suspect we will have to sell, as the sale of the entire government will go a long way to balancing the budget.” Rumor has it that Saudi Prince, Movr Shakr, has expressed interest in purchasing the White House and turning it into a Vegas style casino.