Newsbriefs You May Have Missed: 14. Congress to Credentialize.

14. Wozar State University to offer Ph.D. in Thinkology.

Vladimir Orwell, spokesperson for the new Republican congressional majority, confirmed today that most of his delegation would soon receive doctoral degrees.  “Clearly, he said, “the delegation needs to combat the liberal media onslaught that accompanies many of our statements, particularly on so-called science-based issues.”   “What is often missing from our common sense statements are the credentials—the stamps of academic approval—to back them up,” Orwell noted. “While it is one thing to state that evolution is a hoot, as monkeys are clearly not changing into men as we speak, or that global warming is a fraud, because it snowed yesterday, it is quite another to preface these statements with the powerful phrase—based on my advanced degree studies.””The ability to tout our advanced degrees and the credentials to back it up will help put us on equal footing with the liberally biased officials from the Treasury and the EPA.”

The degree-ing of Congress will be helped along by an academic program at newly formed Wozar State University in Dayton, Tennessee.  Professor Dorothy Vonnegut, President of the College, spoke to us about the new, non-resident Ph.D. program.  “We will offer the Ph.D. in Thinkology, she said, as that degree will allow the recipients to speak most intelligently on any subject.”  “Specific requirements for the degree are still being formulated, she noted, “but we will factor in just how busy the congressional delegation is.”  “Clearly, they must retain their focus on the critical matter of being re-elected.”  Vonnegut suggested that her current thinking is that the degree will require life experience, a pulse and perhaps the ability to answer two or three questions posed by Glenn Beck.

Graduation is slated for May and will be held in Maui.

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