StevieslawNeoBard Department: To Fract or Not to Fract.

StevieslawNeoBard Department: To Fract or not to Fract.

Hydrofracting uses huge amounts of water laced with sand and chemicals under high pressure to break up rock formations and release natural gas.  It leaves the wastewater both polluted with some chemicals we currently do not remove in sewage treatment plants and radioactive.  If we burn natural gas instead of oil or coal; however, it will produce less air pollution and global climate change.  So, what is it to be?  Don’t breathe the air, or don’t drink the water?  Fear not, our best minds on it.

The Options:

  1. The Obama option: Produce a compromise document of about 11 million pages that gets about half of it right.  The states can burn the documents instead of gas, oil, or coal.
  2. The Republican Option: Let business work through the problem, relying on the free enterprise system and good old American ingenuity.  When it comes to pollution, when has big business ever failed us?
  3. The Religious Option: It’s god’s will.
    1. Liberal churches may plan a Sunday sing-along for clean air and water.
    2. Conservative churches can have fiery sermons about why god hates gays and America.

    4. The NASA option: Move to Mars. It has little atmosphere and water.  It will take   us  centuries to screw it up.

    5. The Liberal Option: Write a check.

    6. The Conservative Option: Get a Check.

    7. The Greenpeace Option: Power the planet with ear wax.

    8. The Palin option. Stop using big words.

       9. The Scotty Walker Option: Blame the lame.

     10.   The Public Option: Wow. American Idol is on three times this week!

Have some options of your own to add?

This entry was posted in Humor, parody, sleepless in state college and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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