Newsbriefs You May Have Missed: 17. Fox to Watch Hen House

Corbett says JOBS and Republicans Go Wild.

Lustagarten, Kusnetz and Sapien, writers for Propublica, report in an article in today’s Centre Daily Times that Tom Corbett, Governor of Pennsylvania and man of the people, has provided C. Alan Walker (who claims he is not related to Scott Walker, Governor of Wisconsin and man of the people), current Head of the Department of Community and Economic Development and long time energy company CEO and Corbett campaign contributor, unprecedented authority to “expedite any permit or action pending in any agency where the creation of jobs may be impacted.*” In the same budget, Corbett cut funding to the Department of Environmental Protection(DEP) by 20%, “just to be on the safe side.”

C. Alan Walker, who is the spitting image of an older Scott Walker, has long been an industry champion for environmental regulation.  In 2002, three of his coal companies told DEP that they would stop treating the 173 million gallons of polluted water they produce each year, because “we don’t want to and you can’t make us.” 

Our own Smokey Diamond caught up with C. Alan at the Viewmont Mall in Scranton, PA.  C. Alan was outside the mall, standing proudly by the first, of a proposed ten, new drive through permit or industrial action windows.  “This is the future of Economic Development in the great state of Pennsylvania,” he said.  “We can provide you a permit to do whatever you want in the state in no more than five minutes, without you ever having to leave the comfort of your limo.”  In the parking lot, a row of 40 gallon open containers spewed black, oily smoke, from burning environmental regulations, into the gray and drizzly Pennsylvania sky.  As, C. Alan said, “This will create jobs,” the sky opened and a rainbow appeared. 

“How often can you do that,” asked Diamond?

“It takes an hour or two for the man behind the curtain there to recharge the rainbow machine,” C. Alan said with a smile.

*quite a sentence—you may want to read it again.

This entry was posted in Humor, parody, sleepless in state college and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Newsbriefs You May Have Missed: 17. Fox to Watch Hen House

  1. Carole Woodring says:

    Steve, Your rants are intensely and oddly satisfying for the reader. Have you applied your substantial understanding of the fields of science, government, and absurdity (which seem, ironically, to intersect with tragic frequency) to a consideration of nuclear power plants in this country, roughly 104 of them operating (more or less roughly) at present, I believe?


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