Smokey Diamond was able to obtain The Good Citizenship Guide for Energy Production Corporations: A Primer this week. It is surprisingly short.
- In applying for a permit to drill, blast, or frack, cite the extensive research you have done that shows “nothing bad could ever happen.”
- Using lawyers and lobbyists, buy as much government as you can afford. The money you never really spent on extensive research should help.
- Have government confirm that your research claims are not only valid, but are uncontroversially so.
- Patiently explain that studies that claim the water supply will be damaged by your energy extraction is just propaganda being put forth by leftish, extremist, environmental terrorists. Feel free to use photographs of Arabic looking men building bombs, in you print ads.
- Fight the environmentalists in court. Let the case drag on for as long as possible. Appeal. Appeal. Appeal.
- Have government insist they will never let your corporation damage the water supply.
- Deny vehemently that the water supply has been damaged.
- Have government vehemently deny that the water supply has been damaged.
- Insist that the damage to the water supply is, in fact, quite minor.
- Argue that the prevalence of two-headed chickens, in the regions surrounding your corporate site, is not unique but has been happening recently all over the world.
- Move your operation ten miles down the road. Remember that there is no available technology to clean up the mess you made. It makes no sense to try.
- In applying for a permit to drill, blast, or frack, cite the extensive research you have done that shows “nothing bad can ever happen.” Play up your recent experience in drilling, blasting or fracking.