Rebranding Pennsylvania

We have just learned that the Pennsylvania Fish and Boat Commission will be leasing land and water rights to the Marcellus Shale drillers. The money will go toward a shortfall of some 36 million dollars needed to repair 16 dams in serious condition. The money could not be raised by taxing the Shale drillers, according to Tom Corbett and the Republican led State and House in PA, because as Tom C. so artfully put it, “It will scare away the fish.”
John Arway, executive director of PFBC, put it another way to Smokey Diamond—our intrepid reporter. “It’s a question of efficiency,” he said. “Not only will you be able to catch fish in what’s left of our waterways, but you will also be able to cook them, on site, over any of the natural gas fireplaces which are a likely result of the Marcellus Shale drilling. “You might even be able to cook them right in the water,” joked Johnny
In a more serious matter, Smokey has learned that the State Legislature is considering changing the name of Pennsylvania to Shale. Jean Shephard, spokesperson for the legislature, explained that only 7 out of 10 PA high school graduates can currently spell Pennsylvania, and with the loss of billions and billions of education dollars, projections suggest that only one or two out of a hundred of our graduates will be able to spell Pennsylvania in 10 years. “Shale, with its sh sound, a long a, single l and simple e ending, will be much easier to spell,” he noted. “We are hopful that the Marcellus Shale drillers will consent to lease us the name.”

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