StevieslawExclusive: Save This Date

Latest opinion polls suggest that 6.2% of the population approves of the performance of the current legislators. Most pollsters will tell you that the percent of people who do not understand even the simplest questions is roughly 6.3%. Those people invariably answer yes, as they believe it makes them seem more likeable.
At Stevieslaw, we have learned that our elected officials are preparing a bold stroke to turn those numbers around. Congress will soon announce that Sunday, August 21th, is to be declared “Celebrate Those Who Legislate Day.” Legislators will provide hot dogs and lemonade for the masses at churches, county fairs, and stadiums using money recently cut from social programs. At some locations, flag pins may be available. The highlight of the day will no doubt be the stump speeches, delivered by each of the representatives, in which they will focus on their sincere and unique love for America. In fact, it is likely that sincerity will ooze from their very pores.
We are pumped and we believe our friends and neighbors will be as well. What a great way to unify the country, to bring smiles to the faces of the populace and to stimulate the economy. Smokey Diamond has already bought two dozen eggs, a dozen large heirloom tomatoes and a “YOU SUCK BIG TIME,” sign in bright purple. The eggs and tomatoes have been lovingly placed in a sunny location. Our neighbors are certain to buy produce, water guns and balloons and paintball guns. What fun!
See you on Sunday.

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