Stevieslaw: Cousin Myron Helps the Rich

Smokey Diamond, our intrepid reporter, began counting down from 25 as soon as we had both seen the “Modest Bonus Year on Wall St.” headline in today’s New York Times. Cousin Alvin called to complain at 23. Alvin is incredibly rich—having made most of his money as an investment banker while the rest of us were losing ours. Alvin equates financial fortune with intelligence and drives our Cousin Myron—famed for his flaming red hair, his large brain, and his ability to pick the ponies—absolutely crazy.
Alvin was consistent.
“I called Myron,” he said “To point out that my bonus will be as much as 30% lower this year.” “I thought I would get some sympathy from him, but all his would say is—not now, I’m busy.” “Busy planning how best to drive me crazy, no doubt,” he said.
I listened patiently to Alvin complain for the next ten or fifteen minutes without once pointing out, needlessly as Alvin certainly knew, that the bonuses this year would be in hugely deflated bank stock and that once the market came back Alvin and his colleagues would be back on track for their normal zillion dollar year-end bonus.
When I called Myron later that day to ask about lunch at our special deli—the one with the fabulous corned beef, he would only say, “Not now, I’m busy.”
Myron called back later, however, to announce, “I got my honorary degree.”
“In what,” I asked.
“In psychoanalysis of course.” “Haven’t you been paying attention to the news out of Wall Street?”
“My specialty, he said, Is the problem of delayed gratification,”
“But you’ve always said that psychoanalysis is hooey.” I reminded him.
“Still do,” he said “But, I am opening my Wall Street office tomorrow.” “I am going to have so much fun.”
“Meet me for lunch, tomorrow,” he said. “I found an Italian place with incredible veal parmesan.” “It’s not in Little Italy so no one has heard of it yet.”
It turns out that Myron couldn’t make it for lunch. I had to get him a veal sandwich and bring it back to his office from someplace too far uptown. Turns out he planned it perfectly, as there was a line outside his door that went clear around the block. On it were well dressed men and women whose plans for another house in Maui or Provence, a yacht or a private jet were sure to be delayed. And, although the bankers in line looked incredible stressed and sad, I do not believe the occupy Wall Street crowd, congregated on the opposite side of the street would ever find it in their hearts to sympathize.

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13 Responses to Stevieslaw: Cousin Myron Helps the Rich

  1. Teri Breines Kennedy says:

    Sad but true! And on an interview I saw tonight on 60 Minutes, according to everyone in the Justice Department and anything to do with bringing corruption to trial; when asked why in 3 yrs NO ONE has been charged or done any time for the Mortgage debacle, the ONLY answer consistently given was basically IDK! Now I understand why my neurologist said to stay away from media, it will enrage you! Probably meant to be. Unfortunately, it just frightens me till I am angry and sick. Who really is in charge here? Who’s running the show? And as my 95yo dad asked when introduced to my home computer, “Where is the home office that runs this?” Good question Dad – After almost a hundred yrs of innovation and progress I thought that was a brilliant question. Now explain “Cyberspace” to this 95yo man! Not so easy.
    So I guess I am now saying, where is the main office that runs this government and who exactly do all these laws apply to????? Enough to make my head spin! And now it is tiem to focus on NOW as it is almost 3am. G’Nite

    Like

    • stevieslaw says:

      Yes. I am trying to deal with my 96 year old mother, her illness and the medicare medicaid system that is bizarre and heartless. I try humor in place of anger to try and keep myself sane. Not sure how well that is working.

      Like

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  3. Teri Breines Kennedy says:

    Humor, by far, is the healthier choice!

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