Stevieslaw: Out of the Mouth of Babes

Stevieslaw: Out of the Mouth of Babes
Abigail, one half of Cousin Myron’s teen twins, has been watching a bunch of old TV shows from her mom and dad’s era. She likes Maverick, Get Smart, and Mash best. Last Sunday, at the traditional, “It’s really cold in March,” family barbecue and endurance event, she casually mentioned, “For the cost of maintaining Congress, we could have 1000 Steve Austin’s.”
That’s right folks. If we simply closed down the Congress, we would save something like 6 billion dollars—the price of 1000 “six million dollar men and women.” Sure, to account the cost of inflation since the show aired in the mid-1970’s, we might have to shut down the legislature in most of the states as well. But that’s even better. In exchange for continuing budget crises and weird laws that are damaging and disrespectful to all but a handful of billionaires and religious zealots, we could have 1000 bionic men and women—capable of speeds to 60 mph, the strength of a bulldozer, and vision so fine they can see the angels balanced on the head of a pin— on the streets of America. Functions that Congress has stopped performing, such as developing a rational budget, could be turned over to the citizenry directly with the process streamlined and made popular through a “game show” scenario—we’re thinking along the lines of “The Price is Right,” “Let’s Make a Deal,” and “Wheel of Fortune.” Could it be worse than sequester roulette?
The Houses of Congress could be rented out for various social and religious functions—weddings, christenings and bar-mitzvahs come to mind, bringing yet more money. Weekly Bingo might be a hit. Members of Congress could serve for life, without pay, and be free to do the things they do best—blathering, pontificating, naming Post Offices, and buying flag pins on Ebay.
Impossible? We don’t think so. We can rebuild it. We have the technology.

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