You might have gotten wind of the argument that erupted at the American Association for the Advancement of Science meeting in San Jose this week. The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence Institute (SETI) has been listening for signals from other life forms for decades, with no results. Now, they are considering sending “coordinated and sustained” messages into space in the hope of attracting alien life forms.
Some scientists, including Stephen Hawking, think this might be a very bad idea, as the alien life form we contact might have teeth. “Only a society, sublimely confident of their superiority would risk this,” said Pendence Day, spokesperson for the naysayers.
Now, Smokey Diamond, our intrepid reporter, has learned that certain conservative groups in Alabama have been trying to contact alien life forms for years. “We have been beaming up bible stories and country music,” said KK but not quite K spokesperson, Calle Hom. His Nannyness in Washington seems intent on conferring human rights on all sorts of “people.” We have long felt that sometime soon, we would have no one left to deprive of their rights as a citizen and as a human.” “The answer was obvious,” he continued. “Attract sub-human alien life forms to Alabama.”
“Suppose they attack you,” asked Smokey.
“You’re kidding, right.” said ET. “Wait,” he said, “You ain’t seen Bubba.” “Hey, Bubba”
Smokey returned home today with, so to speak, her tail between her legs. She saw Bubba. She also announced that she would no longer be taking assignments to the Confederate States.