Stevieslaw: Canadians to thump Trump
Citing a brilliant new strategy, the Republican leadership announced today that they will allow Canadians to vote in each of the remaining primaries in an ongoing effort to stop Donald Trump. “Canadians of any age will be allowed to cast their ballot in any or all of the remaining primaries,” said spokesperson, D.P. Measure. “They can vote as often as they like without the need for voter identification, “ continued Mr. Measure.
A candid Measure was clear in stating the leadership’s belief that America’s Republican voters could not be trusted to choose a candidate. “After all,” Mr. Measure said, “The Canadians have a huge stake in this election. Roughly a quarter of all Americans have said they would be certain to move if Trump is elected. The numbers for Cruz are not as well-defined, but are certain to include any Americans that has ever had a kind thought.”
“They are going north,” concluded Mr. Measure.
In a related story, Donald Trump has announced that Ernst Rohm will organize security for the upcoming convention. Rohm will report directly to Chris Christie. Mr. Rohm said, “Convention security is a huge concern and we intend to mobilize a large number of the faithful to ensure the convention does its job properly.” Rohm has even decided on a uniform—going with the traditional brown shirt and armband featuring a prominent DT in a circle. We are concerned with the possibility of sabotage, be it by bomb, fire or liberal leaning plotters. “We will carry out the will of the people in any way necessary,” Rohm concluded.