Stevieslaw: Republicans admit to grave mistake
Rolland Garis, spokesperson for the Republican Establishment, confessed today to our own Smokey Diamond that they had made a grave mistake. “We mixed up two names that sounded just like each other,” he said. “It’s as simple as that.
Garis claimed that the establishment had been trying desperately to stop the candidacy of Ronald Trump—an incoherent, egotistical, uniformed, neo-Nazi. Of course, we tried as hard as we could to convince people that Ronald did not represent true Republican values. Imagine our total shock when we found that Donald Trump not Ronald Trump was the actual candidate. Why would we oppose Donald—a well-informed, truly conservative, man of the people, who has spent his career helping people—often at his own expense?
Said Mitt Romney, “I am so embarrassed, of course I am all for my dear friend Donald Trump.”
“We will make this up to Donald,” noted Mr. Garis. “After all, the choice has really come down to Donald or the guy from Texas whose picture alone makes toddlers weep inconsolably and strong men gag.”
“Fortunately, it’s only money—no more than a few hundred million,” concluded Rolland.
(endnote: Smokey points out that this is only two or three times what Republicans are holding up in funding for Flint.)