Stevieslaw: Republicans Explain Clean Coal.

When China announced this week that it will spend 360 billion on clean energy through 2020, Congressional Republicans were pressured to respond. Both Lamar Smith (R. Texas) and Mitch McConnell (R. Kentucky) were clear that the future of American energy was in clean coal. McConnell is the Majority Leader of the Senate and Smith is the chairman of the U.S. House Science, Space and Technology Committee. Both also agree that human-influenced global warming is a hoax.

McConnell tried to explain the concept of Clean Coal to the American public. “The basic idea,” he said, “Is to add the adjective “clean” before the word “coal” each time it is written or spoken.” McConnell went on to note that “an adjective is a word that describes, identifies or further defines a noun or a pronoun.” Representative Smith remarked, “We know that many Americans will find the concept of an adjective technically challenging, but we just couldn’t avoid it if we were to detail our approach. “ Constant repetition of the words “clean coal” will eventually learn ‘em,” he said with some confidence.

The Republicans are also quite clear how they will pay for the leap from coal to clean coal. “Our friends in China will pay for their investment by printing more money,” said McConnell. “But Republicans always try for a balanced budget approach.” “Currently, the U.S. is spending about a billion dollars a year through the Federal Treasury and the Black Lung Disability Trust Fund. Once we put the adjective clean in front of coal, all problems associated with Black Lung disease will vanish and we can use that money to subsidize clean coal.”

“It’s another Republican win-win for the little guy—the American worker,” concluded Mr. Smith.