Stevieslaw: Nordstrom Nationalized

U.S. Special Forces, in a seamless operation across the Nation, occupied all 123 Nordstroms, 215 Nordstrom Racks, 5 Trunk Clubs, 2 Jeffreys, 2 clearance stores and Corporate Headquarters in Seattle. Trump tweeted in the early morning hours that the troops sustained no casualties and that the stores were effectively in the hands of the U.S. Government.

Press Secretary, Sean Spicer, addressed the press at 3:30 AM, while dressed in a pair of flowered pajamas he had purchased from Nordstrom when they were still a privately owned corporation.

Spicer told the Press, “Nordstrom had been warned. They could have returned Ivanka Trump’s clothing line to their shelves and avoided this action completely. They brought this upon themselves.” Mr. Spicer went on to say that Ivanka’s clothing line would be on the shelves when the stores opened tomorrow at 10. “Moreover,” he said, there will be a huge sale—very big, best sale yet, on many items of clothing.” For example, an Ivanka Trump Matte Jersey Dress, which normally sells for $79.20, will be marked down to $56, a savings of $23.20.

Congressional Republicans were generally supportive of the action. Marco Rubio praised the professionalism of the troops and tweeted, “this sends a strong message to retailers not only in the United States but around the world.”