Stevieslaw Exclusive: Marsupial Research Funding to Spike.
Stevieslaw has learned, through Wikileaks, that in spite of the trying economic times and the rhetoric surrounding budget cuts, additional funding will be made available for Marsupial Research at the Bronx Zoo. Smokey Diamond, our fearless investigative reporter went to Capitol Hill, to ferret out the rest of the story. Smokey soon sniffed out that all of the increased funding will go to The National Opossum Society. SD adds that Opossums are Marsupials that are best known for their reaction to threats. Smokey, quoting Wikipedia notes “When harmed or threatened, a Possum will mimic the appearance and smell of a dead animal. The physiological response is an involuntary rather than a conscious act. “
Laurel Hardy, spokesperson for the Republican majority in the house, resplendent in his sable coat and coonskin hat, said that, “the whole concept of “Playing Possum” is one that is obviously attractive to us. Hardy went on to say that, “when faced with the facts of global warming, or for that matter with any scientific ramblings that suggest man has learned anything since the birth of Christ, what better way to react than to shut down entirely—and being able to shut down involuntarily, instantaneously as it were, before saying something that might be interpreted, by the media, as incredibly stupid is priceless to us.” “We need to find out how the possums do this as quickly as possible.” he said with a winning smile.
Hardy expects little trouble from the Democrats in the House and Senate or for that matter from the White House. They have their own set of problems to involuntarily ignore—two wars, popular only with armaments manufacturers, and the whole business of entitlement spending. “Funding Opossum research is a win-win in Washington.”