Stevieslaw has learned from the Washington Post that super-patriot Glenn Beck—the only remaining survivor of the constitutional convention—will step down from Fox News. This is big news at Stevieslaw—even bigger perhaps then the news that my cousin Myron will be getting his GED this summer, at the age of 54. Myron is no professor, but would, as they say, give you the shirt off his back. And Glenn? Not so much.
I was so dismayed by the Beck news, that I had already listed my new, big screen TV on EBay, when the intrepid Smokey Diamond went out with a growl to track down the rest of the story. Smokey got the whole story from his source at Fox News, Tattletail. You will need to sit down for this.
Fox will be replacing Professor Beck with his half-brother, Newt Gingrich. Newt will retain the general format of the Beck show for about half of his allotted time. The second half of the show, which will capitalize on the success of “The Bachelor,” will have a frisky Gingy offering a one week marriage to an arbitrary woman in the audience. I will need 3D TV for this!
On a lighter note, Stevieslaw has learned that in the event of a government shutdown, our soldiers will be issued IOUs instead of paychecks. Presumably, the families of these soldiers, who are already living in the lap of luxury, can use the IOUs at the store to buy empty containers of milk, cereal and bread. But don’t fret; our elected officials will get paid.