Myron called me yesterday at two to tell me to turn on the TV. Myron, as you may recall is a high school dropout and self made millionaire with flaming red hair and a temper to match.
“What station?” I asked.
“Matters not,” said Myron, “Any news station will do.”
I turned on PBS in time to watch Secretary of Defense, Bob Gates, being raked over the coals by a bipartisan bunch from the Senate for our inaction in East Yehupits. Jim DeMint (R-SC) put it clearly on the line.
“Mr. Gates,” he said, “with active wars in Iraq and Pakghanistan, some sort of war in Libya and now evidence of covert drone strikes in Yemen, my constituents and I want to know why we are not bombing in East Yehupits.” “Do we not have enemies hidden in East Yehupits, Mr. Gates?”
“I honestly don’t know, Senator,” replied Gates.
“We have enemies all over the globe and we are bombing nearly everywhere Mr. Gates, and you’re saying we can’t find anyone worth bombing in East Yehupits?” “That seems unlikely to me and to my constituents.”
Mr. Gates, turning a bright, unpleasant shade of red, could only respond with, “Senator, I have to admit that my staff and I have been unable to find East Yehupits.” In conjunction with the CIA, however, we will find it, and I assure the Senate that once we do, we will use drones to bomb it. You can count on us in East Yehupits,” assured Gates.
Leave it to Myron to get everyone stirred up over a non-existent place from our childhood where things that didn’t or couldn’t happen in Brooklyn happened all the time. It was a great idea, born out of disgust with our current policy of bombing everyone, everywhere. I am all for it. Let’s stop bombing everywhere but East Yehupits. Bomb the hell out of East Yehupits. Myron is probably making the t-shirts and buttons as I write this.
“But, East Yehupits! Imagine anyone falling for a name like that,” I thought.
Sure enough, this morning’s paper had a statement from Sarah Palin about the untenable situation in East Yehupits.
“I would like to know,” she said “how the Obama government could lose the whole country of East Yehupits—a critical player in our terror campaign.” “The State Department in a Palin Administration would focus on countries with the importance of an East Yehupits—not misplace them.”