Stevieslaw: Mitt’s Motherboard Crisis.
Republicans fear that Mitt’s new motherboard, Empathy III, will not arrive from China in time for the convention. As you have no doubt heard, Empathy II fried during the Mitts attempt at a birther joke. Sal Hapatica, Mitt’s chief for computer simulation, agreed that a joke was a huge stretch for the available Mittsoftware.
“Actually, it was the giggle after the joke,” he told Smokey Diamond, our intrepid reporter. “We should have never tried to program the giggle.”
For those of you following the Mittepic, you may recall that Empathy 1 went bad during Mitt’s European trip—that sad business with the Brits and their Olympics.
“We need to have Mitt show great empathy with the American public—particularly with the poor and the middle class he doesn’t really give a damn about, and I fear the Chinese are just not taking this seriously.” “If they are late with the motherboard, we will have to go with Plan B.”
“And what’s Plan B?” asked Smokey.
“In Plan B we go with a silent Mittbot and an empathic ventriloquist, but the camera angles will be a nightmare.”
“It only has to work for an hour,” Sal whined. “just during the acceptance speech.”
“After that the MIttbot can just recite the party line as outlined in the Republican platform.” “That platform is as cold and as dead as Ayn (pave the planet) Rand’s philosophy.” “It’s perfect for a robot.”