Stevieslaw: I’m no…

Congressional Republicans announced today that they are expanding their highly successful, “I am no scientist,” campaign to include other disciplines and characteristics.  “The need to expand came almost accidently,” said spokesperson, Myer Furst.  “We were struggling with the article by Ricardo Alonso-Zaldivar (Associated Press) that appeared in most local newspapers today. The article seemed to imply that not only were more Americans getting the care they needed because of the cost reductions of the Affordable Care Act, but also that fewer of them had problems paying their bills—the first time this has happened since these statistics were first gathered in 2003/5. “

“A number of representatives piped up with, I am no statistician but these numbers don’t feel right,” said Furst.  “And Bingo,” he said with a smile, “the need to expand the campaign became obvious.” “I’m no politician,” Myer continued, But I would expect to see more along these lines; for example, ”I’m no woman but,” or “I’m not black but,” or “I’m not gay but,” as a way of handling all sorts of counterintuitive facts.”

In a related story, House Republicans were buoyed by the news that millions and millions of illegal immigrants, many who were brought here as children, were already in line at border crossings with Mexico anxious to return to their birth countries.  “I’m not Latino,” said Furst, “But it is clear that the no-nonsense, Republican message is already getting across.”