Are you tired of your representative saying something so heinous or famously stupid that your jaw drops so rapidly your teeth hurt for hours after? So is Ida Spank, founder and president of Tough Love, Inc. Ida, in an interview with our own Smokey Diamond, suggested that America was ready for a more participatory version of democracy.
“As a first step,” Ida said, “We are proposing a constitutional amendment that will allow citizens to censure their out of line representatives in a much timelier manner. The amendment, which we hope to have on most State’s ballots in the next few months, is simply termed, “The Timeout,” and best represents the action appropriate to their typically childish behavior.”
“Object to 47 senator’s nearly-treasonous letter to Iran,” she continued? “Just vote them a timeout. We propose that timeouts range from an hour to a year depending of the egregiousness of the offense. We might prescribe an hour or two for someone who wastes the Nation’s time reading “The Cat in the Hat,” on the Senate floor and a year for some ass who lists the benefits of rape in a speech to defund Planned Parenthood.”
“Citizens would vote on the internet—say once a day,” she concluded, “and timeouts would be the standard sit in the corner without your toys–in this case, no cameras, microphones, reporters or writing materials.”
“Brilliant,” said Smokey, “And what’s next?”
“The Public Spanking Amendment,” said Ida with a smile, “For those incapable of learning from their timeouts.”