Stevieslaw: Election Rules Likely to Change
Smokey Diamond, our intrepid reporter and sometime Vice-Presidential candidate, has learned that there is strong support across the political spectrum for a Constitutional Amendment to revise the election laws. Most forward thinkers see a sweeping change, in which the winner of any given election will be simply decided by the amount of money the candidates can raise.
Filt E. Rich, spokesperson for the Koch brothers, sat down with Smokey and explained, “This is a logical extension of the Citizens United decision. Realistically, many, many Americans cannot be bothered to vote anyway. Those who do vote often vote against their self-interest and the whole process is riddled with voter fraud.”
“Furthermore,” Rich continued, “the money would be collected but not spent for campaign things—no more ridiculous, untruthful and annoying commercials on television and radio.” “The money raised could be better spent—say on tee shirts for the one percent with the logo, “I gave until it hurt,” or on yachts or summer homes.”
In a related story, Smokey reports that a poll taken among those citizens who couldn’t be bothered to vote in 2000 found that G.W. Bush and his advisors were short-sighted in going to war in Iraq and that the war itself was a mistake.