Stevieslaw: The Little “White” Pill
The FDA seems poised to approve an over-the-counter drug that will allow black people to appear in public as white. FDA spokesperson, Tchek Twice, said “it’s a consequence of continuing research into stealth aircraft—essentially adding a chemical twist to the work.” “The pill, which has no known side effects, will last for approximately twelve hours and should allow black people to travel, work and shop without fear of being rousted, imprisoned, bludgeoned or shot.”
Conservative spokesmen, led by Fox News, have declared the pill “immoral and unnecessary.” Bill O’Reilly, speaking on his Fox News show, said the pill “sends the wrong message, as racism has almost completely disappeared from America and among Americans.” Congressional Republicans have vowed to defund the FDA and to pass legislation to ban the pill. They have already added amendments to do just that to the 48 “kill Obamacare” bills currently working their way through the House.
In related news, former slave states declared a day of mourning and will fly their confederate flags at half-staff, while The Klan and many other openly racist groups announced that they will not be accepting new members for the foreseeable future. Women’s rights groups say that a second pill, which will allow them to appear as “higher earning males” in the workplace has already passed Phase 3, NIH trials and is also very close to FDA approval.