Stevieslaw: Elmer Fudd Declines
Republican spokesperson, Lun E. Tans, reported today that the latest candidate for Speaker of the House, Elmer Fudd, has decided not to run.
Looney, as he prefers to be called, said “We thought Elmer would be the perfect choice, as an outsider who embodies all of the important traits of the House Republicans. He is a short, chubby white guy with a bad temper, who dresses weirdly and uses a big-game hunting rifle to shoot at rabbits.”
“Moreover,” continued Mr. Tans, “Elmer, who is often depicted as a multi-millionaire, is occasionally confined to a mental hospital because he believes himself a rabbit. What House Republican hasn’t experienced that? He is unable to pronounce his own first name, concocts weird, unworkable schemes and is likely to shoot himself in the foot at least once every day.”
“These are character traits true conservatives understand,” concluded Looney.
Mr. Fudd, contacted at the small house in the Wild Carrot Retirement Village in Vermont which he shares with Bugs Bunny, said “those wascally wepublicans mistook me. I have a heart of gold. What’s more, I’m planning to vote for Bernie Sanders.”