Stevieslaw: Ryan Relaxes Requirements

Stevieslaw: Ryan Relaxes Requirements
Smokey Diamond, Chief Political Reporter for Stevieslaw, had a remarkably candid discussion with Representative Paul Ryan of Wisconsin about what concessions he needs from the ultraconservatives—the self-proclaimed Freedom Caucus, for him to accept the job of Speaker of the House.
“The media has picked up on my demand that the party unite behind me,” says Ryan. “But it really is too much for me to expect that the band of spoiled two year olds that represents the far right wing of our party will join in anything—except perhaps another government shutdown.”
“As I’ve warmed to the idea of becoming speaker, I have agreed in private to soften my demands substantially. I will agree to become speaker if the Freedom Caucus will just agree to stop throwing stuff,” he declared.
“I’ve attended the meetings and John (Boehner) has told me more than once that his dry cleaning costs had become unmanageable.” John reminded me that at the Republican conclave to consider extending the debt ceiling, it wasn’t just bad eggs and spoiled tomatoes the delegates were throwing, but he had to dodge a chair and was given a glancing blow by a Miller-lite bottle. He had a mild concussion, for Christ’s sake. And, I need hardly add that the janitorial staff at the House has about had it also.”
“My wife has made it very clear that with three children she will not be spending her weekends scraping congealed eggs from anyone’s wingtips.” “I will take the job, if they agree to stop lobbing stuff at the Speaker,” he said. “My one surprise is that with the bunch of loonies the Caucus represents, no one has managed to take a shot at anyone yet.”

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