Stevieslaw: Congressional Republicans to Replace ACA with NAFT

The Republican leadership in both the House and the Senate have agreed that repealing Obamacare (ACA) is their highest legislative priority. They hope to have the law rendered null and void before the end of January. Critics of the repeal have been dismayed by their perception that although Republicans have been trying to repeal the law for eight years, they have not proposed an alternate plan.

Igot Mine, a spokesperson for Senator Mitch McConnell, said today in an interview with our intrepid reporter Smokey Diamond, “This perception is dead wrong.” Republicans have always known that they would replace the Affordable Care Act with NAFT—which is an acronym for “not a fucking thing. “Not a fucking thing” requires no Congressional hearings or floor votes, no paperwork, and no government structure and funding to provide for implementation. It doesn’t require a presidential signature. And, it is written in the language all Americans can easily understand.”

When pressed by Smokey about the cost of doing nothing—millions of citizens losing health insurance for one, Mr Mine replied, “as a consequence of any revolutionary legislative undertaking, there will be winners and losers—you know the expression, Smokey, you can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs.” “Twenty million eggs,” said Smokey. “Yeah, it’s one hell of a big omelette,” Igot said.

Mr. Mine went on to request, on behalf of Mr McConnell, to give “not a fucking thing” a chance when it comes to health care and Smokey was left to wonder just who would have a seat at the table and get to enjoy that enormous omelette.