Stevieslaw: Congressional Republicans to readdress health of older Americans

Congressional Republicans today announced plans to modify RyanCareLess to make it more palatable to American seniors. According to a study by the Congressional Budget Office, Americans between the ages of 50 and 64 would be particularly hard hit by the repeal of Obamacare and substitution of the Ryan plan.

“Our own Congressional study,” said spokesperson N.O. Compasn, “Confirmed the findings of the CBO. Republicans are realists, and we realize that with any significant legislative act there will be winners and losers, but an alert staffer pointed out that many of the Americans who voted for us and for Donald Trump were in that age group,” continued Mr. Compass.

“We concluded that it would make it terribly difficult for our compatriots and, for that reason, it should be modified,” he said.

“So, you’ve made a mistake with RyanCAreLess and are correcting it to preserve the well-being of your fellow Americans—in particular, to reward those that voted for you in large numbers,” prompted Smokey Diamond.

“What do fellow Americans have to do with it?” asked Mr. Compasn. “We are worried about our fellow compatriots—Republicans up for reelection in 2018.” “Our study showed that under RyanCareLess a significant portion of pre-Medicare seniors would be dead or simply too sick to vote for us in 2018 and that would put Republican office-holders in jeopardy,” he said.

“We need to keep these people just healthy enough to vote for us,” he concluded.