StevieslawGuesstheRest: Making Environmental Protection Less Confrontational in Pennsylvania

The story so far(from the CDT, 4/1/11): “Oil and gas inspectors policing Marcellus Shale developments in Pennsylvania will no longer be able to issue violations to the drilling companies they regulate without first getting the approval of top executives.”

GuesstheRest:  Kant Belibit, spokesman for the DECP—Department of Corporate and Environmental Protection, spoke to Smokey Diamond in the hope of clearing up any misconceptions.  “First,” she said, “this is not an April Fool’s joke.”  “Also, it is important to look at this at a pilot program, where Marcellus Shale is just the first of many corporate protection issues that we seek to make less confrontational. “As a second example, she said, “food inspection comes to mind.” “Remember,” she said emphatically, “consistency always trumps safety.”

 “It is important to recognize,” she continued, “the inspectors will still be able to make a difference.”  “They will be able to offer constructive criticism to the gas executives, from a carefully prepared script.” “They might say, for example, perhaps I can find a better place for you to dump that, or would you mind terribly if I posted no-fishing signs along this creek.”  Inspectors would also be able to strongly encourage gas industry workers with suggestions like, I wouldn’t drink that if I were you, or you may want to hold your breath, or even I’m sure the ambulance will be here any minute.”

Les Ruth, a spokesperson for Glenn Thompson—a Federal congressman—called us soon after this interview to offer an unsolicited comment.  Les said, “Glenn is particularly pleased when ideas generated at the State and Local level percolate up.”  “This idea will work just as well at the Federal level,” he continued,  “although, Glenn suggests it might be even better to refer any suspected violation to an unbiased committee made up of representatives of all America’s corporations.” “The committee might meet quite regularly—say on alternate February 29ths—to consider the alleged infractions.”

This entry was posted in Humor, parody, sleepless in state college and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to StevieslawGuesstheRest: Making Environmental Protection Less Confrontational in Pennsylvania

  1. Bill says:

    That’s some funny stuff. And you are pounding it out pretty consistently. Hmmmm.


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