There are signs of high-anxiety in Pennsylvania. Although spring is sprung, the grass has not yet riz and the birdies aren’t. People are taking it hard as well. Many are unkempt, unshaven and uncommunicative. They wander around and mutter to themselves, as if trying to make sense of what is being done and said around them. Pennsylvania needs help.
The confusion starts at the top. Tom Corbett, recently elected Governor, and man of the people has not made a sensible statement since taking office. It’s fashionable to say that about the current crop of Republican Governors, but in Old Tom’s case it’s true. Last night, he said that State and State-related Universities could recover some of the 50% cut he had proposed for them, by getting in on the Marcellus Shale bonanza. Presumably Penn State Energy and University could afford to educate students and contribute to Tom’s reelection if only they would lease everything but Beaver Stadium to a Fracking firm. The day before, Tom told us that if he were to tax the extraction of natural gas from the shale, as every other major energy producing state does, the Fracking firms would sit on their deeds and not produce gas in poor old Pennsylvania. For you history buffs out there, this remark might very well have made sense in 1952 when oil was $2.57 per barrel—today’s price is $114 per barrel.
That’s just his last two comments. We’re sure you have your personal favorite.
So what’s the deal with Tom Corbett? Our intrepid reporter, Smokey Diamond, has started what will prove to be an invaluable poll. We have tried to cover all the possibilities for Tom’s behavior in a scientific manner, by sitting around over coffee and tuna and scribbling them on the back of an envelope. So vote for your favorites. They are not mutually exclusive.
Tom Corbett is:
- Evil and believes we are dumb.
- Evil and doesn’t care what we believe.
- Drugged out.
- Not drugged out enough.
We will have your results tabulated as soon as we can make them up. Thanks for voting. If only you had voted in 2010.