Stevieslaw: God Breaks Two Thousand Years of Silence
God spoke to the entire planet today at 4:30 AM Eastern Time. The world was bathed in a warm blue light as the Creator of the Universe spoke: Everyone was instantly awake and aware. The brief message was delivered in a voice not easily identifiable as male or female, but had a strong South Brooklyn accent. In the speech God said, “You made a mess of the planet. You need to clean it up now,” and also noted that “you could also be a little nicer to each other, ya know.”
Sean Hannity, in a rebuttal for Fox News, said that “While the speech was apparently genuine, following the sentiment of the message would kill good American jobs and make life more difficult for hard working Americans. All of the 73 Republican candidates for President went on the record as “never being Christian.” “For proof,” said Mike Huckabee, “People should look at my record, not at my rhetoric.” Rick Santorum, echoing his earlier remarks said, “God should leave science to the scientists.” Soon after, he was apparently stuck dumb—although people close to him say that it’s very hard to see any difference.
God’s Press Secretary, Ralph Angel, said “God has no plans to address the planet again, anytime soon.”