Stevieslaw: Trump’s Chicken; Clinton’s Egg.

Here at Stevieslaw, we were frankly confused by the news cycle. For example, Trump’s statement that he could gun down someone on Fifth Avenue and get away with it, faded with the sun; while Clinton’s cough seems likely to occupy the news until at least Election Day. We suspected media bias. Sean Hannity of Fox News was kind enough to sit down with us and explain. He told us that what we took for media bias was simply the logical result of media point of view.

“Consider the following two stories that we ran with,” Hannity said.

In the first, we found out by some brilliant investigative reporting that Trump raises chickens on his upstate estate. He has no use for the meat or the eggs, but to help him unwind from a particularly trying day, he massacres the chickens by flying over in his personal helicopter, which is armed with air to air missiles, flame throwers, and a pair of very high powered machine guns. He reports his results on Twitter. Today, for example, he twittered “got two roosters with one burst–huge!”

In the second, Hillary Clinton had breakfast at a local restaurant at a campaign stop in Topeka. She had two fried eggs, toast, home fries and coffee, and perhaps a small orange juice.

In the first story, we focused on the chickens. Many urbanites are raising chickens and Trump is the consummate urbanite. The headline read “Trump, the billionaire candidate from New York City, unwinds by raising chickens. We showed clips of various city dwellers raising chickens in their small yards and interviewed an expert about the various breeds. In the second story, we focused on the eggs. That, we decided, was the heart of the story. The headline read: “Hungry Hillary devours the Unborn,” and the story logically featured protests outside of Planned Parenthood clinics as babies wailed in the background.”

“So you see,” concluded Hannity,”It is not media bias you are witnessing.” “It is merely the media following through with a story from a compelling point of view.” “You know–you chose the chicken or choose the egg.”