Stevieslaw: A Tea Party Endorsed Christmas Carol

The House Republican Caucus announced today that they will perform “A Tea Party Christmas Carol,” for contributors on the Mall this Saturday night. The production will be directed by John Boehner. Starring as Scrooge will be the versatile Eric Cantor, who candidly admits, “except for my performances in the House and with the Media, I have not acted since High School.” Eric says that in the play, “Scrooge wavers in his belief that the “one-percenters”, as job producers, should not be made to pay for anything.” To convince him of the error of his ways, Scrooge is visited by four ghosts on Christmas Eve. In the Tea Party version, however, Scrooge is not visited by his decreased partner, Jacob Marley, but by the ghost of Ayn Rand— and here, we have been told, unofficially, she is to be played by the great Sara Palin. Ghosts of the past, present and future are replaced, in the production, by three robber barons (actors are to be announced, but rumor has it all three parts are to be played by Glenn Beck). Boehner guaranteed that the part of the inept and inefficient, Bob Crachit, will be played by Barack Obama, while his crippled son, Tiny Tim, will be played by Harry Reid. Although spokesmen for Obama and Reid have both denied that they will act in the production, Boehner assures us that “they will play their parts.”
Fox News is already calling the production “A triumph of American ingenuity—a capitalist manifesto,” although they do admit to not having seen it yet. Fox also advises that you bring lots of tissues to the production on Saturday night as, “in spite of the best efforts of compassionate conservatism, Tiny Tim cannot be saved.”

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